


Star-Spangled Man With A Onsie

by SatansTrueMistress



Category: Avengers, Captain America (Movies), The Avengers
Genre: This was a thing between me and a friend on Facebook, there's like 3 different versions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-07 20:15:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4276506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatansTrueMistress/pseuds/SatansTrueMistress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve owns an American flag onesie and bald eagle slippers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Star-Spangled Man With A Onsie

**Author's Note:**

> A friend on Facebook and I made a headcanon about this and then two other friends also made their own versions so here's mine too.

**5:41 AM – Avengers Tower**

Steve was jarred awake by a crashing sound, followed by loud cursing. One glance to the other side of the bed told him all he needed to know. Bucky was cooking – or – attempting to cook, more like. Steve sighed and swung his lets out of the bed and rushed out of the room muttering, “You couldn’t cook in the 40’s what makes you think it would be any different now?”

Sure enough, when he arrived in the kitchen there was a coffee can, two pots, and something that looked suspiciously like a penis-shaped cake pan scattered around the floor. Bucky was standing above them with a little round pizza pan in one hand glowering down at the various kitchenwares scattered on the floor, the tips of his ears bright red.

“Buck- _what_ happened?” Steve sighed.

“I was hungry. Everyone was sleeping. I wanted one of those Totino’s pizzas that Clint bought.”

Steve’s eyebrows lifted, “Bucky…you can’t cook. You have never been able to cook.” He laughed, “Remember on my 21st birthday, you almost burned our apartment down?”

Bucky smirked, “Come on, Babydoll. I was only trying to bake you a cake.”

“It was a sweet thought, but-”

“Sorry to interrupt, Cap, but – are you wearing an America onesie?” Clint’s voice came from the shadows of the hallway.

Steve sighed as Clint moved into view, “Your girlfriend bought it for me.”

“Don’t forget the Bald Eagle Slippers, Rogers. Those are from Tony.” Natasha said, appearing suddenly.

“Did I wake _everyone_ up?” Bucky muttered.

“Not everyone. Just two of the world’s greatest assassins. But...JARVIS, send everyone to the kitchen, they need to see this.”

Steve sighed again and leaned on the counter, accepting his inevitable embarrassment.

“I’d apologize, but I’m not even sorry,” Bucky chortled.

“Fuck you, Barnes.”

“Language.”

“English, currently.”

“The Hell are you _wearing_?” Sam was the first to make it into the kitchen, he turned to Bucky, “Man, you let your boyfriend wear something that ridiculous?”

Bucky shrugged, “He’s too big for me to manhandle him into the clothes I want him to wear now.”

“Which would be none, if Bucky had his way.” Steve said.

“More info than was strictly needed, there man.” Sam held his hand in front of him.

“Oh my dear sweet Lord Rogers, I didn’t think you’d actually wear them, Bruce, get pictures of this.”

“Kiss my ass, Stark!” Steve sang as Bruce tried to hold a laugh, “I’m burning these clothes.”

“That doesn’t sound very patriotic for the Star-Spangled Man with a plan.” Sam taunted.

“Oh no,” Steve muttered as Bucky roared with laughter.

“Oh God, I love that song!”

“Don’t you even Buck-”

“ _Who’s strong and brave, here to save the American_ _Waaaay_?” Bucky sang.

“James Buchanan Barnes!” Steve warned

“ _Who vows to fight like a man for what’s right night and daaaayy”_

Cling put his finger to his lips as he snuck up behind Steve and Bucky, unfurling a giant American flag.”

_“The star-spangled man with a plaaan_.”

Bruce snapped a picture.

Captain America in an American flag one-piece footie pair of pajamas, bald eagle slippers with a gigantic American flag back dropping a grinning Bucky Barnes who was hold hands with a red-faced Captain America.

The photo went viral within two hours of it being mysteriously hacked from Dr. Banner’s phone.


End file.
